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H VI, II, iv, ii, 73

by Jason Edwards

I’ve decided to take inspiration from this post over at the Language Log and threaten to kill people for doing something I don’t like. This is what blogging should be all about. No more of this “I had potatoes for dinner, undercooked” type of posting. No more of these “the proletariat have […]

The FU Files: The NHD&SC

by Jason Edwards

Here at Wiffli we like anagrams. I think that’s what they’re called. Those things where the initials of a phrase spell out a word? I’d look it up, but I’m going to depend instead on my shoddy memory and that English degree I got sixteen years ago. I hear they just found […]

It’s Not A Confession if You’re Not Ashamed

by Jason Edwards

Despite my best efforts to avoid celebrity news, I couldn’t help but read that Katie Holmes is leaving Tom Cruise. (Anyone else sort of wish Oprah still had her show, and Katie would have announced her intentions there, by jumping on a couch? This is why I try to avoid celebrity news).

[…]

I Wrote a Thousand Word Essay, Posted It On Wiffli… You’ve Probably Never Heard of It

by Jason Edwards

When it comes to language, I am a descriptivist. I am as descriptivist as fuck. I am a recovering prescriptivist, someone whose identity was wrapped around language skills and judging/correcting everyone else’s lack thereof. Then I got ahold of some Saussure, Levi-Strauss, Foucault and Derrida, my four-horseman of the post-structural apocalypse. Rules […]

Good Things Seem to Happen When I Drink Beer

by Jason Edwards

7:30 PM, Tuesday. I am at my usual Tuesday night spot, Pillager’s Pub in Greenwood. My usual spot used to be Revolutions, a coffee place. But they changed their hours to close at 7 on Tuesday nights, and who can blame them. Coffee after seven? Nevermind that I’d been going there, weekly, […]

Here’s Something You Can Try: Mug Meals

by Jason Edwards

I was sipping coffee from my mug when the delightful smell of bacon wafted up to me in my lofted office space. Now let’s get something straight: this is no tiny little stick-out-your-pinky cup of coffee. This is a big ol’ horken MANMUG. I say that because I was on my third […]

Cheeseburgers Are Beautiful

by Jason Edwards

Lately I’ve been wondering why it’s okay for advertisements to blatantly lie when they’re trying to sell me something. Here’s a straightforward example: food photography. They show us pictures of juicy cheeseburgers, but no cheeseburger I have ever purchased has ever looked like that—why is this allowed?

Maybe it’s this. The truth […]

Gwyneth Paltrow Used the N Word (With Asterisks)

by Jason Edwards

Did you hear that Gwyneth Paltrow used the N word? Yeah, me neither. (Lame-stream media!) Actually, I did hear about it, but only after a friend told me—a friend who happens to be black. Seems Gwyneth was in Paris with her friends Jay Z and Kanye West, attending a concert on their […]

Anybody Else Seen Snooki’s Boobs?

by Jason Edwards

I have never watched Jersey Shore. Sorry if saying that makes me come across as some kind of snob or hipster wannabe. Like those people who don’t have a TV, and are eager to tell you so, anytime you bring up a program. (I was one of ‘em once. Ask me what […]

Screw You, BMI

by Jason Edwards

According the Body Mass Index, I am overweight. I’m 5’8” and 186 pounds. No one who looks at me is going to say “that guy’s too skinny.” No one’s going to call me slender or thin or emaciated. No one’s going to take a look at me and start up a campaign […]