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Use Chopsticks to Eat Doritos

bukkheadheadby Jason Edwards

Consider this a Public Service Announcement. I would like to humbly suggest that you use chopsticks to eat your Doritos.

This should address the problem of getting that orange stuff all over your fingers. Granted, sometimes you don’t mind so much. Sometimes, you are only eating a few Doritos, and for the tiny bit of residue, God in His Wisdom has Blessed us with Blue Jeans (sign of a true Doritos fanatic—subtle fading on his right pant leg, just beneath the hip).

This works with other foods as well, such as Cheetos, sliced-up watermelon, baby carrots, pizza roles. I admit, eating M+Ms with chopsticks is a bit tough, but then, they melt in your mouth, not in your hand. It works awesomely with French fries, and the result is: grease-free fingers.

The author enjoying some crunchy goodness while flying to Ironforge.

The author enjoying some crunchy goodness while flying to Ironforge.

The biggest benefit of eating Doritos with chopsticks is being able to play video games, while enjoying your nacho-cheesy snack. Of course, you’ll have to pour out your serving onto a plate, or into a bowl first, as reaching into a bag of Doritos with chopsticks usually doesn’t work. But the plus side to pouring out your serving first is portion control. (Many of us who play video games could do with some portion control.)

I love this idea so much that I would willingly pay good money for some video-game themed chopsticks. A pair with World-of-Warcraft art on the end, or something from Halo, or perhaps, appropriately, something from a Japanese Anime-based game. My wife and I enjoy a good game of Lego Indiana Jones in the evening. Lego Indy-Jones Chopsticks would make a pretty cool stocking stuffer.

And chopsticks are so cheap! Free with your to-go order, or less than a buck at the grocery store. Buy the disposable kind, and you never have to wash them.

If you claim to be chopstick-handicapped, I implore you to practice. It’s really not that difficult, and you can even get good at it with your non-dominant hand. Go to You Tube for instructional videos. Or, if you must, get one of those child-friendly pairs with the elastic and the spring.

Myself, I can actually eat Doritos faster with chopsticks than without (if you factor in time needed to wipe the residue from my fingers). Also, it looks sort of cool. Also, it’s just the sort of idiosyncratic behavior, slightly eccentric, that will impress your friends and make them wish they’d thought of it.

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